Commentary: BoDark's Hot-box Time Machine Part 1

// 5th Jul '10 Commentary: BoDark's Hot-box Time Machine Part 1

BoDark

Greetings all!

I came to usenetSHACK for the first time, like many of you, searching for answers about Newzbin.com. Wow, what a story! I was impressed by the look and feel of usenetSHACK and applied for the advertised Writer position. Usenet humor ranks #1 on the Obscurity Meter, but when this opportunity presented itself, I submitted a little something, and djm liked it. Up til now usenetSHACK has been your number one source for Usenet News and Info, but I aim to take it down another path, Entertainment. Whether or not my ranting sarcasm and opinion can be classified as entertaining is highly subjective, so we will officially stick with the descriptive "Commentary". I understand we have more writers coming onboard, so there is reason to stick around and keep coming back, even if you decide I suck.

When I made this first submission, I was feeling inspired by the Newzbin story. It represents a convergence of all the legal shenanigans foisted upon this Community over the last decade, especially this last year or two. Community? ...you know who you are. According to them, you are the guy holding the alleged jacket of PerpX whilst he beats VictimA. Guilt by proximity. I suggest this current legal trend is a greed driven scenario that needs more discussion by the Usenet Community and the wider Scene. It follows that we may need to focus on some counter-strategy, as alleged consumers of Usenet. The word is that Usenet is dead, but I do NOT believe it. I have lots to say on the subject, and invite everyone to contribute below.

Unfortunately, my original submission is now not so timely, now we find Newzbin2 back from the Brink! Good News for us and them, and while you can trust usenetSHACK to be here keeping you up to date, that "resurrection" is a bit of a buzz-kill for my humor vehicle... The 5 Stages of Grieving. So in the spirit of not letting that original inspiration go to waste, I hope you enjoy this little intro to the BoDarkness. However, I must ask you remember this was written when Newzbin WAS NO MORE, when we were all shocked and worried for the crew finding themselves in front of the Magistrate, and us fretting over what second-rate indexer we might be using in their absence.

I can go no further without hardy shout-outs to the Team R Dogs, we all appreciate what you do... Newzbin2!? Two words, BALLS. At your Appeal, take out those enormous R Dog nutsacks and threaten to block out the sun across Northern Europe... stopping all agriculture and air traffic. "Set us Free! or there will be no tulips this spring!" What? oh sorry, apologies to the ladies for the Teabagging-the-Netherlands visual ...I'm seriously out of control at this point. OK here we go, put on those 3D glasses you swiped from AVATAR, maybe fire up some of that herbal timemachine (why do you think they call it Chronxx!?) ...and, uh what were we talking about? oh first things first.

[disclaimer: BoDark and usenetSHACK do not condone stealing 3D glasses from the cinema or inhaling God's Illegal Natural Remedies. Man up! ..or Girl Up! and take personal responsibility for your Life decisions (example: You are a Man, but you prefer to Girl Up!?) and stop trying to blame all your bad decisions on ME. Just Say No (thank you), Stay in School, don't' pirate stuff, and stay out of your parent's stash, it's way harder for them to buy than you may think. BoDark claims immunity from legal action on the basis of Freedom of Satirical Speech and a personal (albeit: unintentional) Vow of Poverty, so don't do what he says... if in doubt, ask your mom, your Priest, hire a lawyer, or type it into Bing. end:boilerplate]

<insert wavy lines graphic here.swf> WhooOoaa is it working? Does it feel like 30 days ago? Did you get that in Amsterdam? What? Now you can't read? Maybe take off the dark 3D glasses ...see? I give bad advice, don't worry though ...it's still supposed to look 3D. Act normal ...pass me those chips.


Greetings Fellow Mourners

Allow me to introduce myself

Alas, Newzbin my Newzbin <insert single salty tear *!> Allow me to introduce myself, I am BoDark. I will be your grief counselor here on usenetSHACK. I am here to shine Light into the dark corners of your disbelief and walk you through the 5 Stages of Grief over the loss of Newzbin ...because it is happening. This is The Happening! THEY have risen up against the perceived threat of our existence, and have began taking us out ...at first one-by-one, and now en masse. Well, you cannot say we did not see it coming. In this new Millennium I have watched the scrotal shriveling of Public Cable Usenet delivery, like icy seawater on the Corporate bullocks. Obviously, delivering what was formerly a standard expense of an ISP in the 20th Century ...providing access to Usenet, had become too unmanageable, both in physical resources <read: diskspace/bandwidth> and legal risk <read:Ambulance Chasers>.

Cable ISP's turning off USENET binaries, because of the fear of reprisal from the Entertainment and Software Industry, was clearly a money-saving management of risk, sheltered under the shiny umbrella of a Higher Moral Fortitude. The justification, "...there are only a handful of bad people using it anyway. Usenet is Dead." Wait a second, did any of you ever receive a rebate when they dropped one of the major expenses of delivering your Internet services (up to that point anyway)? Or more accurately, a permanent monthly billing decrease? Yeah, you can post that answer below in the Comments section, or I can save you the trouble... "Hell f'ing NO!" They simply lopped off the cost of delivering Usenet and kept the cash, and called it anti-piracy/porn motivated.

Blah, blah, blah

We all moved on...

Well, blah blah we all moved on. We paid for our own Usenet Subscription Service and enjoyed the Freedom (and luxury!) of seeing the unfiltered list of groups ...ah, Pandora's Box. Who could complain? ...but time marches on, and no modern business goes unstrained by that unpredictable, unforeseeable Evolutionary force we call the Internet. Usenet Subscription Providers in the 2000's struggled in a competitive price market with exponentially growing bandwidth and disk requirements, trying to deliver the burgeoning daily Usenet feed to a penny-pinching audience. To access Usenet we were forced to add an additional pay service to replace being dropped, meanwhile all we hear is the Entertainment Industry whining about losing revenue ...while we pay and pay and pay. For now I'll gloss over the FAILED attempts to charge us more (ISP per gig download overages).

As Usenet exploded the list of headers became too much to browse in your newsreader, but on the horizon a shining star, Newzbin. Those Evolutionary forces had delivered a usable solution which addressed some major concerns, making Usenet binaries an now almost-instant doorway to anything and everything. In the distance, Feds and the legal coyotes sharpened their teeth on ruthless Warez groups and wicked dotEDU P2P scoundrels. The howls in the night easily ignored by the rest of us folks who were quietly downloading ...at a safe distance from all the filesharing fools who didn't understand the IP logging risks, or more likely didn't have an additional $20/month. The current Newzbin situation brings to mind a quote about the Nazi's by Martin Niemöller

"...then they came for me."

If Marty were writing today he might recap this story like this...

THEY CAME FIRST for the FileSharers,

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a College Student P2Ping.

THEN THEY CAME for the Torrent Indexers,

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Pirate from the Bay.

THEN THEY CAME for the USENET Indexers,

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a NZB'er.

THEN THEY CAME for me

and by that time no one was left to speak up ...even though my Cable Company pretended to for 5 seconds.

So allow me to jump all you fellow grievers passed this first stage of mourning, DENIAL, and get right to the second phase, ANGER (to be continued)..

ppsssst: you know I have part 2 in the funnel already, so check back soon!

Cheers!

Bo

BoDark posted by BoDark
This entry was posted in Commentary and tagged commentary, newzbin, opinion. Leave a comment. Header image by AdamL212

2 Comments

  1. pin
    Posted Jul 11th, 2010 at 14:07 p.m.

    i like it., gief part 2 :D

    | Link to comment
  2. Mike
    Posted Nov 28th, 2010 at 19:11 p.m.

    Great post. Great humor and fantastic writable!

    | Link to comment

Comments are now closed.